Treading Lightly (Or Not)
by Rosa Cotton
Summary: Beorn decides to ask Thorin if he can keep Bilbo as a pet. It is a good thing that Gandalf is nearby. Good for Beorn, I mean. Movieverse, bookverse.


Disclaimer: _The Hobbit_, all characters, places, and related terms are the sole property of J.R.R. Tolkien's estate, and Warner Brothers, New Line Cinema, Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, and WingNut Films.

Author's Note: Written as a fill for a prompt on the hobbit-kink meme.

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Treading Lightly (Or Not)

It is fortunate I did not step out for a brief walk as I originally intended.

My beard wanted particular attention, and that morning I lingered in a chair putting it to rights. Most of the company was settled down around the fire pit, with Thorin and Balin consulting quietly in a corner over a small map. Vaguely I was aware of the barely concealed displeased looks directed to Beorn's back after he returned to them again their burglar, whom was being seated firmly between Bofur and Nori, with a wistful expression on his grizzly face. But then my focus was again on my own business. (It is no easy task taking care of a wizard's beard, let me assure you.)

"Master Thorin!"

The skin-changer's great booming voice completely drew everyone's attention and caused me to lose the tangle I was trying to unknot.

"I have a request to ask you. May I be permitted to keep your adorable hobbit-bunny as a pet?" he sounded both shy and hopeful.

It is hard for me to describe the dozens of events that occurred in the next second and a half. The important ones: Simultaneously, questions, refusals, exclamations, and threats filled the air in Khuzdul (thank goodness). Thorin looked absolutely murderous and started to launch himself at Beorn and I feared for the man's wellbeing despite his height and powers. A dangerous light contrasting with the merriness in his eyes, Bofur hugged Bilbo to him tightly like a teddy bear which drew a shocked yelp from the little fellow who wisely refrained from trying to get free. Nori led the youngest dwarves in forming a barricade around the two. And all the dwarves started to draw their weapons.

Yes, it is fortunate I did not go out as I planned. I would have been hard pressed to have my staff within necessary reach.

I managed to cast two spells frighteningly close back-to-back. The first froze Thorin to the spot, preventing him from attacking his host. If anything though, the dwarf's expression grew even more furious. The second spell arguably was the more important, for there were seeming dozens of weapons to take into account. The sudden silence and thorough bafflement of the company at the discovery of sprays of flowers where knives and mattocks were in the act of being lifted took even me by surprise. In my defense, I know flowers go over better with hobbits than dwarves, but Thorin (much too stubborn and without tact for his own good) had totally distracted me, and I barely had time to do anything, so I cast the next thing I could recall without thought.

Yet there now was no time to even dwell on the outcome of my magic. Once I again I had to step in and avoid disaster on us all.

"Please pardon us, Master Beorn," I proclaimed, swiftly standing and striding to where he stood with Thorin and Balin, casting a dark warning glance at the others over my shoulder. "Regretfully, we must decline your request," I sighed sadly.

Thorin glared at me and opened his mouth. Quickly I spoke first.

"Bilbo is our burglar. The task before him none of us can accomplish in his place. He must continue on with us," I explained patiently and cheerfully. "Perhaps on his way back after all is said and done..."

It took some minutes to shake Beorn's disappointment, but soon he became his old self, happy at the possibility of after the quest's completion. Seemingly he was oblivious to briefly being in any danger.

An hour later I un-froze Thorin, after a long, heated conversation which ended with him promising not to try anything with our host. He stewed at me the rest of the day, naturally.

It was not until the following morning the flowers changed back to weapons. I feared for Beorn with twelve suspicious dwarves (it would have been hopeless to get them all to repeat Thorin's reluctant promise).

I had been aware Bilbo was being more embraced by the company but this...overprotective and possessive behavior could be a problem. (Today the hobbit had been trailed at all times by three bodyguards!) All thirteen dwarves lost their heads, forgetting about Durin's Day and Smaug in light of potentially losing their burglar. Had I not intervened, at best the quest could have encountered some hiccups, and at worst it would have ended here in disaster.

Maybe selecting Bilbo for this was not the best idea. At the very least, obviously he will not be permitted to return to the Shire when this is over. The dwarves made that perfectly clear yesterday, to me. The hobbit however was totally bewildered and confused by it all. Poor thing has no idea what he is in for. The others will let him know in their own time and way.

In any event, it is indeed _extremely_ fortunate I did not go on my morning walk!

THE END


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